BULLETIN BOARD

does anyone know
where i can buy
twenty thousand dollars worth
of self actualization
the money is ready to go
in small unmarked bills if necessary
send sample or description
for immediate reply
will travel anywhere
pee ess
smaller amounts considered
 
wipe out those nagging emotional debts
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consolidate your obligations and traumas
ask your lawyer about us
before doing anything drastic or write
care of
the box inside your head
 
are you eightysixed at all
the healthfood stores in town
for bum checks
why not use your mind
for a change
to make a living
all the great roles have been taken
except yours
 
please buy my new book
it tells you all about
the parts they leave out
of the training manuals
like
how do you get out alive
without falling
into your footsteps
 
did you kill two birds
with one stone today
did you have your cake
last night and eat it
do you feel inadequate
for mot being guilty enough
small group remedial
classes forming now
 
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right in your own neighborhood
eliminate the need
for tiresome freighter trips
bookstores coffeehouses
movies and real estate offices
stay in a room anywhere
and write a book
ask about
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for autobiographies
 
why are you looking for an old city
with good coffee or the sweat
of a tropical studio or
trains and highways at night
do you question whether it pays
to preserve the political system
that produced baudelaire
and muted prokofieff
do you like applause
and money for vacations
try living for once
in the first person
the first lesson is
only a half hour and
we promise
not to call at home
or work ever again
 
do you think negatively about banks
because you owe too much money
do you lose sleep over
your grim marine midland mother
or your castrating chemical father
is your life a Napoleonic catastrophe
because of the little plastic
prostitute credit cards
still promising financial fellatio
in the back seat of your pants
try five hundred
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rent my unique costume
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are you gifted enough
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whats holding you back
lack of confidence
lack of significance
let our trained experts
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as long as you can give us
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if youve been turned down elsewhere
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right
 
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the people you think about
when you masturbate
have toll free numbers
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need help tonight
call intellectuals anonymous
we used to have the same problem
as you
but we did something about it
you too can stop
reading the new york review of books
only a short thirty days from now
and talk about
pickup trucks
instead

 

by Arthur Oesterreicher

Questions or comments are welcome. Email the editor.

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